G Switch: The Lipgloss Adventures
by brandy mallory
Summary: i switched the genders, so its time to read the adventures of Linda, Cole, Gina, Ron, Krystal and the rest.Chapter 13: flashbacks anyone? [AU][mild langauge]
1. 1 late for my hair appointment

((A/N: hey looky, another TOS fanfic from miss mallory! so anyway, i was trying to think of something original, and if anyone else has already done this I'm very sorry. so yeah, i switched all the charaters Genders. thusG Switch! tada! names were kind of hard. but you'll figure it out!

i do not own Tales Of Symphonia. only in my dreams... this first chapter is short, but anyone who's read any of my stuff knows chapters are always short! enjoy!))

* * *

A really smooth sexy female voice tells the tale as the camera does some strange swooping.

"Once upon a time there existed a giant tree, it was blah blah source of mana. There was a war, yeah a war peoples, and it totally died. So yeah, a heroine's life was like sacrificed and such. So yeah, the God was real sad like so he went up into the heavens and told the angels: You must wake me, cause if I sleep in I'll be late for my hair appointment!" A smacking could be heard in the background, "I mean, the world shall be destroyed. So the angels bore the Chosen one, who would climb up to the tower and start the regeneration… of the world. That's it right? I don't have to say any more intro?"

* * *

Blank darkness.

"Linda Irving, wake up."

"Linda!"

A random chalk brush hit Linda's long, flowy chestnut brown hair. "Gahh!" she exclaimed, looking around at the tall white haired man that stood in front of him.

"How do you manage to sleep standing? I mean a chick of your laziness?"

"Oh, Professor Ron! Is class over?"

"Oh whatever I don't care. Gina! Answer the question!" He said, walking back to the front and looking down at a girl wearing a short white dress and matching hair.

"Yes Ron," she muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes, "I'll answer the damn question. What was it again?"

"Martha?"

"Oh right. Martha the hero was good and stuff so she totally saved the world by stopping some important war and getting' rid of those Desian people!" Gina seemed very proud of her knowledge, and Linda decided to secretly call her "That stuck up biotch" from now on.

"Good enough. So anyway, to shorten this up. Desians bad. But, before you ask Linda, cause I know very well you didn't pay attention yesterday," Linda stood their with her mouth half open, "they're back cause of some dumb reason. So today Cole will go on a happy quest to save us all. Cole! Tell us about this quest."

Cole, the hot hunky yet klutzy blonde, (who Linda had this HUGE crush on), stood up from his seat, "See dude, I go, I save the world. Story finished." He winked at Linda and she blushed bright red.

Ron rolled his eyes and a big bright flash came from the window.

"Ahh! Light will hurt my new dress!" Gina screamed, diving under a desk.

Ron walked to the door, "You brats say here, I gotta go check on this temple so I can learn history and stuff!" He said, a glint of insane insanity in his eyes.

"Dude," Linda said to Gina, "Your brother is so weird. Kind of hot, but weird."

Gina crawled out from under her desk, "Oh we all know you're to in love with Cole to date my brother. That and he hates you."

Linda looked over at Cole, who was staring at the ceiling, "I'm bored. Hey Cole?"

"Yeah Linda?"

"Wanna get out of here?" She winked.

Gina gave her a dirty look.

"I mean, to check out the temple and everything."

* * *

((sure, the temple. thats what she's checking out... review please! or i'll be sad and won't do any more...)) 


	2. 2 cherry berry lipgloss

((A/N: just thought I'd mention: Cole is Colette, Linda is Lloyd, Gina is Genis, Ron is Raine, all other characters, figure it out your selves! anyway, this chapter was lots of fun to write, and only took two hours! my writers block is finally gone!

i do not own tales and if i did i wouldn't be writing fanfics, i'd be making games and be rich!))

* * *

"So Cole," Linda bounced out of the school house, "This whole Chosen thing, how does it affect your dating life?"

Cole didn't answer, just looked around.

"It's quiet," Gina said stone faced, "To quiet."

Linda looked at her with disgust, "Girl you are way to clichéd."

Suddenly a random blonde women ran up, "Cole! You're ok!"

Cole blinked back into reality, "What's wrong mother?"

"Yeah what's wrong Frannie? Why would hot hunky Cole be hurt?" Linda said, sucking up to what she hoped would be her future mother-in-law.

"The Desians came through here not to long ago. I was knitting." She replied nodding and holding up her knitting needles as proof, "Now go be a good boy and head to the temple so I can get back to knitting you're grandfather a new scarf."

Cole didn't seem to have any objection to this. "Yes ma'am."

"Cough, momma's boy, cough" Gina said, before starting a huge coughing fit.

Linda fell to her knees in front of him, "Oh can I come Cole? Please, oh pretty please? I promise I won't get in the way and I'm ever so cute."

Cole's mother looked at the brown haired girl kneeling in front of her son thinking, 'Wow, what a loon.'

The blonde boy just smiled, "Sure why not."

Linda jumped up and grabbed Gina, pulling her to follow Cole out the village gates. Gina didn't like this idea.

"Why do **I** have to go?" She complained, "He's your stupid crush."

Linda ignored him as a bunch of random monsters attacked. Of course, seeing how Cole was so hunky, Linda was so skillful and Gina really didn't want to die, they kicked ass.

"To the temple!" Linda shouted, following Cole and dragging her grumbling best friend behind her.

They quickly arrived at the temple, where Cole managed to act dumb once again.

"I can't believe I'm dating the Chosen!" Linda squealed.

"You aren't dating him you moron." Gina sighed.

"It's bright man, I should have brought shades."

Gina rolled her eyes and a strange Priestess lady came down the steps.

"Chosen… Bad guys… Kill me… Must be strong… Damn it why didn't I call in sick today?" And she died.

Linda blinked her eyes, "Wow, talk about a side character. She barely got a sentence out."

The blonde boy started walking up the steps, "I must go avenge death of random side character." He stated, "Duty as a Chosen dude."

Gina and Linda sighed, following him up the steps.

* * *

"Listen, I'm not goanna ask again old man," a black haired, pissed off looking chick stood with some random "desians" around a cranky looking old man, "Where is the Chosen? I'm already late for my pedicure!"

The old man, Phil, looked up as Cole and girls ran up the steps, "Run Chosen!"

The black hair lady spun around, "Well that was dumb, you should have let him sneak up on us and take me by surprise," She flipped her hair back, "So this is the Chosen. He's almost hot. For a kid."

Linda looked furious, "Cole is not almost hot! He's super hot! You Desians suck!"

A random Desian, lets call her Jill, laughed, "She thinks we're Desians Betty! So I'm gonna point it out so everyone thinks there's another mystery to solve!"

The other random Desian, lets call her Tess, laughed, "Well then, die at the hands of the Desians you hate so much." Tess paused before running at the group, "Just let me put on my lip gloss first."

Linda looked at Tess, "Is that Cherry Berry Swirl?"

Tess giggled, "No duh, I don't leave the base without it!"

Linda pulled out a matching tube, "Cherry Berry Swirl sisters!"

Tess giggled again, "Sisters forever!"

And then ran off to compare lip gloss notes, while Gina and Cole kicked random Desian Jill's ass.

Betty cursed, and a large, overweight woman approached the two.

"Linda! Get you're ass over here!" Gina shouted at her friend, who just waved as her and Cole got their buts served to them on a silver platter.

"He's to strong."

"How can we win?"

"Do you have the Pink Watermelon Lip Taint?"

Suddenly a sword came out of nowhere, and attacked to that sword was an unbelievably hot woman in a short purple dress with matching knee high boots. Her hair was auburn and so utterly silky.

Linda was automatically jealous beyond belief.

* * *

((thanks for reading, here's some candy. please review!)) 


	3. 3 heavy painkillers

((A/N: i finally figured out Kratos's girl name. took lots of thinking. so any way, thanks for any reviews i got. This chapter is pretty dull, cause its a boring part of the game.

I don't own tales of symphonia or lipgloss.))

* * *

"Get out of the way," said the stranger, and processed to kick fat chicks butt.

"Damn it!" Betty cried, "Never thought you'd show up. Come on girls, if I'm lucky I can still make that appointment."

And with that Betty, Jill and Tess (who had given Linda the name of the coolest makeup shop in Palmacoasta) ran far, far away.

The end.

Ok not really. Actually they all stared at the new chick for a while, Cole drooling, Gina wondering who her tailor was, and Linda being all evilly jealous and all.

"Thank you for saving the Chosen," Phil said, rubbing his neck and wishing his daughter would hurry up with that scarf.

"I see," The stranger said in a super sexy voice, "This boy is the next Chosen."

Cole smiled dumbly, "yuh huh."

Linda had the sudden urge to slap Cole and scream, "No you love me God damn it" but resisted. Instead looked at the ladies hand, "Is that a French manicure?"

The stranger ignored her.

Cole snapped out of his boyish drooling, "Oh yeah, I have to do my Chosen stuff." He pointed at the door, "In I go!"

"Wait!" Phil said quickly, "The dialog is really messed up, but someone should go with you or something."

Linda jumped up and down, her hand waving in the air, "I'll go! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Linda? I'd be kind of worried about my grandson's purity if it's just you."

The strange purple dressed lady turned to Linda, "Your name is Linda?"

"Duh, but who are you to ask for my name," She replied, doing the whole, talk to the hand motion.

"I'm Krystal, I'm a traveling hair style- I mean mercenary. I can protect the Chosen as long as I get paid."

Phil stepped aside, "Sure, knock your self out. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going home to get my scarf." And he left.

"Awesome," Linda said happily, "Lets get templeing!"

Krystal looked down, shaking her head, "Nun uh, you are staying out here like a good little girl should."

"No I won't"

"Yes you will."

"Will not!"

"Will to!"

Gina finally said something, "Cut it out! You guys act like an annoying mother daughter team!"

Krystal looked around nervously, "Fine you can tag along." And walked into the temple. The two girls and boy following along, "But this isn't a photo shot."

Later after finding the sorcerers ring and fighting random monsters.

"Wow. So that's the Curxis Crystal?" Gina asked in wonder.

"Yup, some say I was born with it in my hand. Mom doesn't remember, something about heavy painkillers."

Suddenly there was a flash followed by a blonde angel coming down from the top of the room.

"Damn, that was bright, I can't see." She suddenly realized where she was, standing up straight, looking very butch, "I am Rena, Angel of Curxis, yada yada yada, we bless you with," three curtains appeared behind her, "First off," She pulled a rope and a curtain opened, "you get this lovely Crystal!"

The crystal appeared on Cole's neck area.

"Second you get… the TOWER OF DAMNATION! I mean, SALVATION!"

They all looked out the window to see a large tower appear from nowhere.

"Third you get… Ummm, the location of the next seal." She opened one of those awards show envelopes, "It's somewhere hot! So bring lots of water!"

The audience, mainly Linda, clapped wildly.

Rena bowed at the applause, "We'll my jobs done. Chow peoples!"

Cole looked up, "Wait! Are you really my mother?"

"Now how the hell, I mean yes. Yes I am."

"How is that biologically possible?" Gina asked suddenly.

Rena gave him a cold look, "Figure it out douche bag!" And left.

And so Krystal and Cole left as well. Leaving our to main girls looking at each other with dimwitted expressions.

So they left, cause everyone else had left and there was no real point to standing around looking stupid all day.

They were almost out of the temple when they heard a horrible voice.

"Linda! Gina! I thought I told you to stay at the school!" Ron yelled, grabbing Gina, "No more Cosmo Magazines for you!"

Gina whined, "No Ron! Not my magazines! They're the closest I'll ever get to a boyfriend!"

Linda snickered.

"Ok Linda, hand it over!" Ron said as Gina ran out of the temple crying, his hand out.

She looked around nervously, "Hand what over professor? I don't have anything that you need to take away as punishment."

"Your lip gloss?"

Linda fell to her knees, "No Professor! Please? It's all I have! I need it to live!"

Ron didn't budge; so grumbling Linda handed over her Cherry Berry Swirl.

"See? Now wasn't that easy?"

Linda grumbled some more, left the temple after Gina, and the two returned Isealia.

* * *

((i just realised how long this game is...reading presents! hands out lipgloss. please review!)) 


	4. 4 tea parties

((A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! i really love them! so anyway, this chapter is pretty dull. but yeah, 2 days in a row! thats the fastest i've ever updated!

i don't own tos))

* * *

Arriving back in their happy village, Linda pulled out her extra tube of Cherry Berry Swirl, quickly applying a large amount to her lips.

"Oh thank God, I didn't think I'd make it so long with out lip gloss." She said, bouncing around happily.

Gina just sighed, "You know, someday you're going to have to realize you have an addiction."

"No I don't! I'm perfectly in control! I can stop anytime I want," She added more lip-gloss.

"Lip gloss junkie!" Gina yelled.

"Cosmo sicko!"

"We aren't talking about me Linda!" Gina said pouting.

Linda applied even more lip gloss, "Whatever, lets just go to Cole's house so he can give me a big kiss for helping him at the temple!"

Gina walked along beside her, "Help? All you did was talk about lip gloss and shot Krystal dirty looks while she wasn't looking."

Ignoring the white haired girl, Linda walked into Cole's house. Did I say house? I meant mansion.

"And so," said the ugly mayor with the obvious wig, "We entrust the protection of the dumb Chosen to Ron and Krystal."

Cole winked at Linda, "Hey girl."

She blushed, "So you guys were talking about the regeneration thing just now?"

Krystal looked at Linda, "No, we're all going to a tea party." She said sarcastically.

Gina's eyes widened, "Oh I **love** tea parties!"

"I was being sarcastic…"

Phil threw a book at Linda, "Here, take this. Now go away."

The book hit Linda in the groin. Luckily Linda's a girl. Because if she was a guy, possibly with some dumb name like Lloyd, she'd be in serious pain. But she's not, so instead she grabbed the book off the ground and opened the door.

"I'm sure there was supposed to be way more dialog there." Gina said as the two girls started walking away from the house.

"Wait!" Cole shouted, walking out of the house, "It's my birthday, where's my presents?"

Gina handed over her lunch money, "Is that enough?"

"Yup. Linda? Did you get me anything?"

She glanced around nervously, "Uh, yeah. I made you a hemp necklace. But I forgot it at home."

Cole seemed fine with that, "Ok, I'll come by tonight!" And went back inside.

"Liar."

"Shut it Gina."

"Oh can I walk with you home? I need to visit someone."

They started walking towards Gina's house.

"Who?" Linda asked as Gina gathered sandwich material, "The Cosmo dealer?"

Of course, Gina did not reply, so they made there way to the town gates. Where an abnormally large dog waited.

"Nishey!" Linda said happily, "My puppy doggy woggy!"

The dog, Nishey, waged its, tail, and slobbered all over a guard. So they quickly left to avoid being yelled at.

Soon they arrived at a weird crossing place.

"Well this is my stop!" Gina said.

"The Human Ranch? Isn't that a weird place to be meeting a Cosmo dealer?"

"I'M NOT MEETING A COMSO DEALER!" Gina shouted.

Linda shook her head, "Whatever, but I'm tagging along. I really don't want to go home yet. Plus this looks like a good place to develop my lip-gloss research.

They both entered the ranch and went to the side fence, where a strange old man greeted them.

"Pebble!"

"Gina!"

"Huh?" Linda asked in confusion, "You're visiting a creepy old man? This guy could be a pedophile for all you know!"

"It's ok Linda, Pebble's gay." Gina said quickly, "Pebble, Linda. Linda, Pebble."

Linda pulled out a sheet of paper, "What's your favorite lip gloss."

Pebble thought for a second, "Peach Rose Mega with the flip top container."

"I love that one!" She said, quickly writing down her response, "And what do you think of the sky rocketing prices these days?"

"Completely uncalled for!"

Linda and Pebble started rambling about lip gloss and suddenly a evil Desian came out from no where, "Hey you! Creepy gay prisoner! Get over here so we came whip you!"

"Gina Linda run!"

Linda and Gina took off.

"Sorry pebble! I'll send you the Lip Happy newsletter, I promise!" Linda shouted.

Now they would have gotten away all fine and dandy, but they just had to climb the cliff and shot the Desians with fireballs. Then Linda ran over the gate.

Which would have been all fine and dandy also, but Gina fell down as they walked by.

"Mother fucker."

So Linda, being super heroic, fought off the attackers and jumped down the cliff. Yay they all live happily ever after!

Up on the cliff.

"How could a mere human make that kind of jump? Did she have moon boots?" A woman with light blue hair wondered, "Get the tapes. If she has moon boots I want them!"

At Linda's house after Gina went home.

"Hi Mom I'm home!" Linda announced as she enter the house.

A wild looking dwarf woman smiled at her, "Can I have my extra tube of lip gloss back?"

Linda shifted nervously, "I kind of… had it confiscated."

"You what!" Drinny shouted, "That was my last tube!"

She smacked Linda's face.

"You don't have to hit me!" Linda shouted before running outside. Only to be meet with Krystal, Cole, Gina and Ron.

"Oh so you heard that huh?"

"Hell, there might be someone in Asgard how didn't," Krystal said, "We came so you could talk to Cole."

Linda turned to Cole, her cheeks burning, "Just wait, I have to talk to everyone else first. Just to be fair."

Cole shrugged and sat down on the randomly placed bench.

* * *

((thanks for reading please review. oh and reading presents! hands out lipgloss (agian))) 


	5. 5 give me your moon boots

((A/N: thanks for all the reviews! i realized suddenly i totally left out anything envolving exspheres, so i've lipglossed the story... hee hee hee, and i aslo realised alot of this is out of order. oh and i added to the story name. i had a hard time with Forwhatshisfaces name. so i made on up that sounded ok. hope you enjoy!

i don't own TOS or Moon Boots.))

* * *

First Linda went and talked to Krystal.

"So, umm. Who's like grave is this?"

Linda looked down sadly, "It's my dad's. He's dead."

"Well I kind of gathered that from the fact he has a grave," She squinted at the name then looked a Linda shocked, "Andy? Your fathers name was Andy?"

"That's what's on the headstone."

"So is your mother alive by any chance?"

"Not that I know." Linda cursed, "She's a whore, leaving my dad dying and stuff. Doesn't matter anyway, Drinny's my mom now."

"Drinny? What the hell kind of name is Drinny? If this was a story it would sound like the author couldn't find a girl version of the name Dirk so she just made some random shit up!" Krystal said, growling, "Oh and sorry bout the whole motherless thing. See I'm your…"

She was suddenly cut off by Gina, "Linda stop wasting all your time with the purple chick! You still have to talk to me!"

"Okey dokey!" Linda said, hopping away from Krystal.

Krystal looked after her in dull shock, "Mom…"

Of course Linda didn't hear this, she was to busy going into a full depth conversation about pantyhose with Gina.

Finally, after being lectured about the proper way to eat soup by Ron, Linda and Cole went up on to the balcony. Maybe to talk, maybe to make out, or maybe to throw around large balloons full of peanut butter cookies. Linda wasn't sure yet.

"Listen Linda, I'm not big on sentimental stuff but… I'm glad I've had you as a friend, and you're really nice and all. And tomorrow I'm going on this big adventure which results in me dying."

"Huh?" she replied, being to busy applying lip gloss to pay any attention.

"Never mind, I can't believe I have two moms…"

"Neither can I. But I guess this is the part where I say that you're just luckier than most people."

"Ok." Cole leaned back on the railing, "So where's that present you promised?"

"I umm…. I…."

There was a loud snapping sound as the railing gave way to Cole's weight, causing him to fall promptly off the roof.

"Ouch, man that hurt." He said, sitting up to scratch his head.

Ron sighed, "Whatever. Can we leave now?"

Linda shouted down to the group, "I'll bring your present tomorrow! What time should I come over?"

Cole thought for a second, "Noon!"

Krystal slapped him, "You dimwit, we're leaving at, wait. No never mind."

They all waved and walked back to town.

* * *

The next day.

"Umm, mom?" Linda said to Drinny's dwarven figure, which was facing her father's grave, "I'm going to tag along on the salvation regeneration thing Cole's going on. Can I have some cash for hotels along the way?"

Drinny sighed, "I'm sorry for yelling at you about the lip-gloss. Here." She handed her adopted daughter a tube of shiny lip-gloss. "This was your father's. He said to give it to you when you were old enough."

"Wow," She held it up to the light, "It's so beautiful. Why did my dad have lip-gloss? Was he gay?"

"That isn't just normal lip-gloss Linda, it's special. Your father died protecting it."

"What?"

"He was murdered by the Desians because they wanted it. And now, you can have it so they'll hunt you instead."

Tears formed in Linda's eyes as she hugged her mother, "Thanks mom. I'll get those damn Desians for killing my father and hurting Pebble."

"Who's Pebble?"

"Never mind, I've got to go." Linda broke away and started down the walkway, "I'll send you a postcard!"

"Linda!" The white haired girl ran down the path, "What are you doing here? What about Cole?"

"Oh! Gina! Wicked timing, I've got this wicked new lip-gloss and I'm planning on joining them!"

"What are you stupid?" Gina shouted, "Don't answer that I already know. Cole and them left hours ago. You were totally lame and didn't show!"

"What? But… He blew me off. What a evil son of a-"

Linda continued to grumble the whole way to Iseala.

"How could he lie to me? I thought we had a connection. And he totally ditches me to save the world! What kind of stupid guy chooses the salvation of the world over his best friend? A stupid one, that's what I think! That Krystal girl probably put him up to it. Her and her stupid French manicure, auburn hair, well rounded cleavage and nicely tanned arms. I mean how am I supposed to compare to that?"

Gina answered with a shrug as they entered the village gates.

"Hey, Linda?" the guard said, staring at her freshly glossed lips.

"It was **not **my dog! She does not pee in flower gardens I swear!"

The guard laughed, "Not that. Phil and Frannie wanted you to go see them."

The pair skipped to Cole's residence, entering to have Phil throw a letter at Linda's crouch.

"Ok dude! Why the hell do you always throw this at that area of my body?"

Phil shrugged, "Just read the damn letter so I don't ever have to talk to you again."

"_Dear Linda_," Linda read aloud.

"_Hey, I'm sorry for leaving on you. Didn't really mean to, but Krystal told me the wrong time by accident_. I knew it! _I'm not very good at this whole writing thing but I'd just like to tell you, I liked being friends with you. It was fun. Especially the day you let me see your…_" Linda skipped a few lines, blushing a deep red, "_And I wish I could do it again. But I can't. I really wish I could, your…_ummm, I'll skip that. _In short, nice knowing you, have a nice life. Signed Cole._"

She ripped up the letter into tiny shreds and ate it.

Gina turned to Phil, "It sounds like he's not coming back."

"Well duh, being a Chosen pretty much guarantees that he'll d-"

A loud boom cut off Cole's mother and Linda and Gina ran outside. Desians were everywhere. Threatening school children, stealing lunch money, setting houses on fire, and tipping cows.

"Damn those Desian scum!" Linda said as they made their way toward the action, instead of doing the smart thing and running far away, "I'll get them all!"

Gina rolled her eyes, "Sure you will."

They arrived in the town square, where a creepy blue haired lady with a fake arm met them.

"Will the real Linda Irving please stand up?"

Linda moved her way into the front of the crowd, "I'm Linda Irving, yes the real Linda Irving!"

The lady smiled, "I'm Lady Fordienian. One of the five grand something or other. You have moon boots. I want them!"

Linda looked the lady up and down, "Listen lady, I don't have any damn moon boots, and even if I did I won't give them to you."

"You do so! I saw you at the Ranch."

The mayor looked at Linda, "You went to the ranch? Are you stupid?"

Gina rolled her eyes again, "Do you really need to ask that?"

"Listen I don't have moon boots! I only have my lip-gloss!" Linda pulled out the lip-gloss her mother had given her. "And you can't have it! Plus you already attacked here yesterday at the temple!"

A random side character Desian chick laughed, "We didn't attack here, it must have been them! And by them I mean a third party. One you really shouldn't go joining. Even though they're actually the semi good guys."

Fordienian was more interested in Linda's lip-gloss, "Give me that! It's the product of the Angelic Project!"

"No! And what's the Angelic project?"

"Never mind. Here fight this random monster I'm having brought in!"

Suddenly a huge ugly as sin monster appeared, lunging at Gina and Linda.

* * *

((i can't write anymore right now, so it's a chiffhanger of sorts. i'll update soon. review! and reading presents! -hand's out toy rhieards- )) 


	6. 6 size 12 is not fat

((A/N: hello and welcome to another chapter of G Switch: the Lipgloss Adventures! (cue wild aplause) anyway, thanks for the reviews. i hope you all liked last chapter!

now it's time for me to point out that i played tos last night and realised how out of order some of this is turning out to be.

anyway, i do not own Tales of Symphonia or I'm Too Sexy. enjoy!))

* * *

Linda and Gina fought off the monster. Well, Gina did. Linda was once again preoccupied with her makeup.

"Gina? Do you think this eyeliner is to thick?" She shouted at her best friend in the heat of battle, staring into her compact.

Gina cast fireball, and the monster fell.

Fordienian wasn't really paying attention, "Huh? What?"

The monster jumped on her back, "Run… Linda… Gina you were like a granddaughter to me…" And exploded, leaving our light blue haired half elf to feel hurt.

"Remember Linda, no matter where you go I'll hunt you. And when I say I, I mean my henchmen. So you'll never be left alone. In fact, your mayor should kick you out of town if he wants to be safe. And that other girl too, cause I bet she has a horrible secret about her race that she's not telling you about."

She left and the mayor, backed up by random extra's whose voices sounded a lot like the main characters, did just that.

"Stupid mayor," Linda mumbled as they headed toward Triet, "Kicks me out of town. Doesn't even let me take my makeup bag from my school desk."

Nishey, Linda's dog, came up behind them, caring a letter in her mouth.

"Gross," She cried, taking the drool-covered letter and opening it to read aloud.

"_My Dearest daughter,_

_I forgot to give you a map, so here you go. This way you won't get completely lost and if I'm lucky it won't take the authorities to long to find you body. _

_Come back when you're not so weak and I'll give you a present._

_Drinny_."

Using their trusty new map they made there way to Triet, only getting lost once when Linda held the map upside down.

Entering the town they spotted a group of Desians talking loudly, "Ok. Lets split up. Number one and two, hang up that poster. Number three, find me some cheap hair dye, my roots are starting to show. I'll be in the bar when you're all done. Ok girls?"

The other Desians mumbled in agreement. Number one and two quickly put up the sign and soon the Desians disappeared.

Linda hurried over to see the poster, enraged to see a poorly drawn stick figure with overly big hair and bright pink lips.

"I don't look a thing like this poster! This is a monstrosity, I'm going to go up to those guys right now and-"

Gina pulled her back, "You dumbass, that's exactly what they want! We need to find Cole."

"Oh yeah," Linda remembered, "I need to save him from that tramp Krystal!" She jumped in newfound purpose, "To Cole!"

Gina sighed, "I suggest we go ask the fortune teller so he can rip us off."

"Great idea!" the human girl cried, pulling Gina through the sandy streets, "But first we shop!"

Cue music (I'm too sexy)

Gina and Linda randomly came out of randomly placed changing stalls, modeling the newest and hottest in Sylvarant fashion. Everything went fine until Linda realized she was no longer a size 8, but had in fact jumped up to size 12. Gina pointed out that size 12 was the size of an average Sylvarant woman, according to Cosmo. Linda didn't seem to care, just continued to cry.

So that was the end of that.

They hurried along to the fortuneteller, entering his weird shaped tent and standing in front of his table. Linda was suddenly reminded of Katrina from Animal Crossing. Not that she had ever played Animal Crossing, or knew what it was.

"Hello how may I help you?" The fortuneteller asked mysteriously, acting like one of those cheap hire-a-fortuneteller people.

"We need to know where the Chosen's group is." The white haired girl said, since Linda was totally amazed by this guys piss poor acting skill.

"Oh, for that it will take a tremendous amount of my physic being. One hundred Gald."

Linda, totally buying it, slapped the money down on the table, "Deal."

He went into a surprisingly fake trance, humming loudly and massaging his forehead, "They are in the ruins. Just outside the city."

"Really?" Linda asked, clapping.

The fortune teller put all of the money in his pocket, his voice returning to somewhat normal, "That's what the hot lady in the purple said."

Grumbling, (surprise, surprise) Linda and Gina made there way out of town. Only to be meet by a group of unhappy Desians.

"That's the girl from the wanted poster!" One of them stated, jumping up and down and pointing.

"Ok, there is no way that poster looks a thing like me! Take a good look at me cause this is what Linda Irving looks like."

Gina sighed, readying for a fight.

The Desians attacked and they were quickly beaten. Linda actually helped out this time, jumping in with random slashes of her swords.

Soon the Desians were defeated and Linda giggled, applying after battle blush, "That was totally easy!"

"Linda, you really shouldn't let your guard down. There might be more around, or even a suspicious third party we don't know about but have meet without knowing."

Linda waved off her comment, "Like that will ever happen."

A shock ball flew at Linda, knocking her out cold. Gina sighed as she was captured, "Why doesn't she ever listen?"

At the front door of a big blue building the capturers stopped.

"What do we do about that one," Capturer one asked, nodding to Gina.

Gina started crying, "I don't wanna be here. She made me! And she beat me! And made me put on her lip-gloss. And I'm cute and I have white hair even though I'm like fourteen. Please let me go!"

Capturer number two smiled, "Ok. Only because you're one of us. Which I say so anyone viewing this from third person will suddenly wonder about you."

Gina smiled, "Thanks ma'am! I'll never forget you! Well, I probably will, but it's the thought that counts!" and ran off to find Nishey.

* * *

((Yay. girl Yuan next chapter! thanks for reading!)) 


	7. 7 return of tess

((A/N: thanks for all the reviews, and now its time for: ANOTHER CHAPTER, which i just finished two second ago. its a tad on the short and dull side. but yuna's in it and the returnof tess and jill, that's all that matters.

i do not own tales of smyphonia, wal-mart, or black betty.

enjoy!))

* * *

Linda woke up in a jail cell.

"Poor kid. I heard she's headed for de-makeuping." A random Desian, who Lloyd recognized as Jill, the one who Gina and Cole had defeated at the temple, said.

"Yeah poor kid. Though I'm sure if she was to look back at our conversation in a while it'd make way more sense." Said Desian number two, who we will know call Jack.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill, well, they left through the door actually. Leaving a very familiar Desian to guard Linda.

"Tess!" Linda asked surprised.

Tess fiddled with the lock and the door sprung open, allowing Linda to escape, "Hey Linda. What's up?"

"Oh nothing. Just got thrown in jail for having a tube of lip-gloss I shouldn't have or something like that. You?"

Tess shrugged, "Guard duty. Oh and here's all your stuff!" She handed Linda all her belongings.

The swords… umm… girl smiled and hugged Tess, "Thanks so much for getting me out of jail and risking your job and all."

"No problem, just shot me with your ring so it looks like you forced the door open."

Linda aimed at Tess, "Oh wait! Almost forgot!" She dug in her pockets, pulling out a tube of lip-gloss on a string, "I bought you this. It's a friendship, lip-gloss necklace! I have the other half."

"Aww. That's so cool Linda."

Linda shot her with the ring. Tess fainted.

She quickly made her way past a stupid puzzle room, a hallway, a bathroom and a framed picture of Krystal doing the can-can. Ending up in a weird room with a funny shaped box hovering in the middle.

"Who the hell designed this place? Was he on crack?" She muttered, fiddling with random buttons until the door opened.

"Control Room entrance thing door opened."

"Thank God. I really need to find a mirror. That last bathroom had the mirror all smashed to bits." Linda walked throw the hallway into a random door, "I wonder where I'd find one…" She asked the air, not paying much attention to her surroundings.

"And just who the hell are you and where do you buy your eyeliner?" A voice asked.

She turned to see a woman with sparkling aqua blue hair; a nicely shaped figure covered in a white, gold, red and blue dress, and a dark flowy cape. She was also holding a coffee cup and seemed to have forgotten to put on her makeup that morning.

"Give me your hair stylists name and I'll give you the name of a good makeup artist." Linda said with more confidence than she actually had.

"Well actually Kry- What? How dare you insult me! You little pea pod!" the women snarled, grabbing Linda's arm.

"Ah! Don't hurt me! I'm an orphan!" Linda screamed.

"What? You're Linda?" She let go, taking a step back, "Yes I see the resemblance to the person I can't tell you about at the moment because it's a major part of the plotline."

"What?" Linda turned to the camera and frowned.

Yuna, who no one knows is Yuna yet, slapped Linda, "Didn't your acting coach tell you not to look at the camera?"

Linda blushed, "Sorry."

Yuna threw up her hands, "Who cares? I'm not doing that scene again. Lets just move on with the script. Where the hell is Betty?"

Betty ran in, "The Chosen's group is coming this way. And I checked at Wal-Mart, they don't have any Cherry Berry Swirl left."

Linda pulled out a tube, "I have an extra."

Yuna grabbed it, "Oh thank God!" She hugged Linda, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to leave because one of your companions knows me and I don't want her to see me without my cover-up."

She left through the back door, which for anyone wondering is a dead end.

Krystal, Gina, Ron and Cole burst in the door.

"Oh look it's Linda!" Cole said, "What's she doing here?"

Ron slapped him, "We came here to save her dimwit."

Krystal looked around, "Say Linda. You haven't seen a lady with blue-"

Betty cut her off, "Can we fight now? I've been here for three minutes and have had no lines."

"Ok," Everyone said, preparing for battle.

Betty walked to the cd player and pressed play. Soon the rocking beats of Black Betty rocked the room.

Linda broke into air guitar, "Wow, Black Betty, wah ma na." And was slapped by Krystal.

"We have to fight!"

"Oh yeah."

Five seconds later Krystal, with barely any help from the others, had kicked Betty's ass.

"I under estimated your power. Plus that egg salad sandwich I had for lunch isn't settling well in my tummy." She dropped her weapon and ran to the nearest bathroom.

Linda blinked, "Well. That was weird."

Ron, on the other hand, had grabbed Betty's sword/club thing, "Hey, there's some sort of chap stick in here."

"Who really cares? I came here to see Yu- I mean, to rescue Linda. Can we leave now?" Krystal demanded, hands on her hips.

So they all left the Renega- I mean, Desian base and went back to Triet. Linda happy to be free, Cole still confused about where Linda and Gina had came from, Ron drooling over the chap stick, Gina sleepy, and Krystal moping like she'd just missed the chance to see her lover.

* * *

((ok we all know i'm pro kratosxyuan, so obvoiusly i'm pro krystalxyuna, but i'll keep it small. thanks for reading. sorry about any spelling errors! please review! -hands out tiny lipgloss friendship necklaces)) 


	8. 8 some assembly required

((A/N: hey peoples, look another chapter! thank you all for you're reviews! anyway, for all those wonder Sheena will be in the next chapter, this one's kind of just short filler, anyway, anyone who can find the reference i hid will get toknow Sheena's guy name before i update! enjoy!

i do not own tos or Chibi Robo(not the reference!)))

* * *

Later that night.

Linda was wandering around the inn aimlessly. She'd already fixed the applicator on Ron's chap stick, talked to Cole about the evils of green peppers and wrote on Gina's face with black lipstick.

"This is boring," She muttered, making her way back downstairs to her and Krystal's room, "I thought adventures were supposed to be fun."

Krystal walked past Linda and out the door, slamming it behind her.

"Someone's in a pissy mood," Linda said to herself, deciding to follow her outside.

Krystal stood in front of Nishey's pen muttering quietly, "Does that girl not know how to wash your coat properly? I bet you haven't had a good shampoo since I…" She pulled out her sword and held it to Linda's throat, since Linda was standing right behind her.

"I swear I didn't take your mascara! I have no clue why it was in my bag!" Linda shouted in fear.

She lowered her sword, "Oh it's just you. You shouldn't sneak up behind me, I don't have eyes in the back of my head."

Linda shrugged and leaned on the pen, "Fine. I won't. Do you like animals?"

"Meh, not really. Though all my hair products are animal testing free."

"Cause Nishey really seems to like you. Which is weird, because she really hates Gina." Linda studied her nails, "This one time she chased her into the stream and she almost drowned. Luckily I know how to swim."

"I had a pet once."

"Really?" Linda asked, "What was it? A fish? A duck? A cat?"

"Well… ummm…"

"A rabbit? A slug? A horse? A sheep? A hamster? A pony? A pot bellied pig? A crab? A starfish? A peacock? A blue haired half elf? A snake? A Chibi Robo? A bush baby?"

"It was a dog ok?" Krystal yelled.

"Oh, cool."

The auburn stood silent for a moment then turned to Linda, "Linda…"

"Yeah Krystal?" Linda replied hopefully, wondering if she'd tell her some big important plot secret.

She sighed, "Your hairstyling skills are unrefined. You need to practice. And I want my mascara back." And with that she walked off.

Linda blinked a couple of times, "She thinks she's all good just because she can get her hair to do that flippy thing, like that guy from that band can do. Just cause she's a little better. Ok, a lot better."

The next day the happy little group headed off to the Seal of Fire. And of course as they entered a they were attacked by a couple of floating balls, which Krystal quickly killed while everyone else got hurt due to lack of blocking skills.

"God, you guys suck…" Krystal muttered, quickly teaching them new and amazing blocking techniques that they'd probably forget about soon afterwards.

"Wow." Ron whispered, looking at the "doorway" into the temple/seal thing, "It's made entirely of chocolate!" He licked the door, "It's yummy. Probably put her to fend off diabetics!"

Cole leaned against a short pillar thing that was sticking out of the ground and the chocolate door disappeared, "Wow! I am the Chosen! I'm not a complete ditz like my mother always said. Dude, this is sweet!"

Krystal rolled her eyes, and Linda cheered.

One dungeon type puzzle thing later…

"Wow, it's hot in here. My hair is losing its natural volume," Linda complained as they entered the seal room.

"Wow, I think I'm supposed to say something about Mana here," Gina quickly checked her script, "Yup, lotsa' Mana."

Suddenly a huge red cat thing attacked them. Luckily Gina had carried over her spells from the last play thru, so with a couple of quick Tidal Waves, the boss was toast. Well, soggy toast.

Rena quickly came down from the roof, caring a bag of popcorn, "Wow, that was real entertaining. I forgot all my lines so here are your angel wings," She handed Cole a box, "And the next seal is across the ocean, mostly because… well this continent is to small to put all the seals on." And she was gone.

Cole looked down at the box in his hands, "Cruxis Angel Wings. Some assembly required."

Linda grabbed the box and ripped it open, searching for the directions, "Yay! Arts and crafts! Now where are those directions?"

"Directions?" Cole said grabbing the box back, "I don't need directions." He pulled out a table saw and started cutting.

"Men," Linda rolled her eyes, picking the directions up off the floor, "Cole! You got cement all over the English side!"

Cole, who was now mig welding, tipped up his welders mask, "Then read the French side!"

Linda did, "La wing? What the hell is that?"

Several hours and three calls to technical support later…

"Done!" Cole put on his new wings, "Aren't they sweet?"

No one cared. Instead, because if this were a book or whatever the author would be too lazy to write much more, they walked outside, where Cole fell down.

"Whatever, lets set up camp" Krystal said, pulling an entire campsite out of her pocket, "We'll leave tomorrow."

* * *

(( any way. i hope you enjoyed it. please review and guess on the reference. actually i just realized heres 2...)) 


	9. 9 emo?

((A/N: well, no one got my references that weren't really references…

"_hair to do that flippy thing, like that guy from that band can do_" – Hollywood undead's I must be Emo.

The whole French side of the instructions "La wing?" thing is from the Simpsons. Except Homer was trying to make a BBQ. "_Le grill? What the hell is that_?"

So yeah… I guess they weren't really references….

Oh yes, for anyone who does not yet know this is Rom.

Rom: um… hi…

Me: She is my voice inside my head/OC/authors notes helping person/alter ego….

Rom: You are insane Miss Mallory, have I ever mentioned this?

Me: yes, many, many times… now, say the disclaimer!

Rom sighs: Brandy Mallory does not own anything except for me. Damn you contract! Also Brandy Mallory will be gone for a week so no more updates till she returns. That is all.

Me: also, I forget whose fanfic it was but somebody had Sheena gothic. I kind of used the same idea because it's hard to think of reasons guys would wear any form of makeup… Gina's opinions on Soren are NOT mine.))

* * *

"So where are we going?" Linda asked as they walked through he sand or whatever.

"Ossa Trail! I've only told you a million times!" Krystal said angrily, "And do up your boot laces, you could trip and die and then we'd waist precise time having to bury you."

"God," The brunette rolled her eyes, "You sound like my mother."

Krystal paused as they entered the path, tears in her eyes, "I do?"

Gina looked closely at the auburn, "Are you crying?"

Wiping away tears, "Allergies…"

Suddenly, "Is the Chosen of Mana among you?"

The whole group turned to see a very gothic looking ninja, black eyeliner and lipstick included.

Cole, being dumb, "Yo dude! I'm right here!"

"Prepare to stain the ground red with your life." He ran at Cole.

"What?" Cole asked, not getting it.

"She wants to kill you!" Ron screamed at him.

"Oh, dude, that's not good." Cole tripped and the ninja fell into a randomly placed plot hole, I mean, trap door.

"Dude?" Cole yelled down the hole, "Dude is you alive? Cause if you're not then maybe you should ask Marty to forgive you for trying to kill me. I forgive you by the way!"

Gina did some geeky formula stuff that included gravity (9.8) and Pi (the name of my fish) and declared that the ninja must still be alive, unless there were a lot of pointy spikes at the bottom of that hole.

Krystal, tired of being held back, "Can we hurry up so I can get on with this job and go back to dying my best friends hair for her?"

Many battles later.

"Yay! We're almost out of the trail and that creepy ninja hasn't tried to kill us!" Gina said happily.

A crappily placed fence thing fell down and there stood the ninja, whose name is actually Shawn. But of course, like Yuna's name, our hero type peoples don't know this yet.

"I will dye the grass with your blood!" He said, twitching slightly.

"Dude, didn't you use that line already?" The blonde boy asked.

Shawn consults his script, "No I said, "Prepare to stain the ground red with your life." The first time."

"Isn't that pretty much the same line?" Gina asked, taking out a thesaurus and consulting it, "I mean stain and dye mean practically the same thing. Same with ground and grass, blood and life. Did you just get lazy?"

"Look, you don't know how bloody hard it is to think up gothic sayings that keep the teen rating!" Shawn pointed out.

"Are you sure you're not Emo? Like Soren from Fire Emblem, PoR?" Gina asked.

Soren, the hottest man alive, well, not alive, is heard somewhere in the background, "I'M NOT EMO! I had a tragic upbringing due to my race and I'm a mage! Get it through your thick skull!"

Gina ignored him, "Because you really don't make a good goth."

"It's not my fault! The script says I have to be goth so I have an excuse to wear lipstick!" He pulled out a bunch of cards, "Just shut up so I can kill you!"

Linda and Krystal both clapped her hands together, and said, "Can we play Bullshit? I'm so good at that game!" at the same time.

"That was creepy." Ron stated, also twitching a little bit.

Long story short; Linda and excreta kicked Shawn's gothic ass and Shawn said something slightly plot revealing and ran away.

"NO!" Cole shouted after him, "Come back! Don't leave me here with these makeup obsessed women and the guy who is clearly insane and has deep dark personal secrets about his past!"

* * *

((I would write more but I have SO much to do today. So sorry for the shortness. You'll live. Not like I've ever written long chapters to begin with…

Rom? Anything else?

Rom: I can't believe I actually agreed to this….

Me: review!))


	10. 10 luffy fan

((A/N: I'm back, I'm alive. My wrists still hurt like hell so this'll be short and sweet.

I do not own ToS, Shonen Jump, or One Piece.

also thanks to who ever added this to the C2 Crazy Parodies. I love you so.))

* * *

"Wow, a fishing village." Gina sad with no real interest in her voice, "I'm so utterly amazed…"

Ron looks at his script, "Ok peoples, we can do the easy way, which is find a boat here. Or go around the other way over a bridge and have a hell of a time trying to get anywhere. But the second one has much better plot thingers."

"You just don't wanna get on the boat!" Gina accused.

"Shut up!" Gina was slapped.

"Come on people. Lets go find a ship," Krystal said, than tripped on a randomly placed watermelon, "What the hell? That wasn't in the script!"

Everyone ignored her and started searching for a boat.

Half an hour of absolutely pointless searching later:

"I heard Ally went back to Luin." Said random pointless NPC, "And that Luffy challenged Zolo to a fight in the latest Shonen Jump, Volume 4, Issue 9!"

Gina, a rabid One Piece fan, "Zolo is so hot! Why would Luffy want to fight him?"

Random pointless NPC, whose name is now Luffy fan #1, shrugged, "I don't get it either, but I'm to cheap to get the actual manga, so I'll have to wait for next months issue."

With that Luffy fan #1 pointed Gina to the nearest 7/11 and walked away.

Gina jumped up and down, than ran to the 7/11, "Brb!" she shouted.

Krystal blinked, "What the hell does that mean? I don't speak Instant Message!"

Linda sighed, "It means be right back. But half the time someone says that and then leaves for a whole hour."

"So can we move on with the plot?" Ron asked impatiently, taping his foot.

Cole nodded and they all, (except Gina, because she was in 7/11, drooling over Zolo's picture and making the pimple faced teenager at the cash register very annoyed) walked into some guys house.

Luke, the weird guy who's standing in the middle of the room acting weird, "Oh Alley. I want you back." Cough gold digger cough.

Linda spoke up, "We heard from Luffy fan #1 that Ally went back to Luin."

Luke ran out the door, saying something about something.

"Why do I suddenly picture dancing babies?" Krystal asked suddenly.

Outside, at the dock:

"Luke, I'm am totally not you're love slave! I'm not going all the way across the ocean just to deliver some stupid letter to some stupid girl!"

"Please Maxi? Doll? Sugar?"

"Get some other poor slut to do it!"

Luke looked over at Krystal, "You! Poor slut!"

The auburn looked over her shoulder at Linda, "I think she means you."

"What?" Linda asked, outraged.

"Well you do have sex hair today. Which looks really hot on you actually." Cole pointed out.

"Linda why on earth do you have sex-?" Krystal started, only to be cut off by Luke.

"Will you people deliver my letter or not?"

"Do we get a free boat ride?" Ron asked.

Luke whispered something in Maxi's ear and she smiled, "Whatever. Lets go."

Luke handed Linda a letter and took off.

The crew all got on the boat, Cole saying something about wanting to go surfing, Krystal acting all calm and collected, Linda almost falling off the side, and Ron acting all sea sick.

"It's a good thing you don't have some stupid water themed name," Krystal said to Ron, "Because you obviously don't like it so much."

"Shut up!" Ron smacked Krystal with a stick.

Soon they landed in Palmacoasta.

"Now I have to go back an leave you guys stranded in this stupid city." Maxi said absent mindedly, pulling out a picture of Luke and drooling over it.

Ron flopped off the boat and started kissing the ground.

Krystal did a quick head check, "One, two, three, and four." She consulted her script, "Weren't there more of us?"

"I don't think so," Linda also took a look at her script, "Oh crap."

Ron looked up from kissing the ground, "What?"

"I think we forgot Gina at that 7/11."

"WHAT?"

"It's… ok… I'm… right… here." They all looked over the dock to see Gina, soaked and trying to climb up onto the pavement.

Cole frowned, "Dude, you swam all the way here?"

Gina nodded, collapsing on the street and coughing up seawater.

"Dude that's totally awesome!"

Everyone else sweat dropped, except Maxi, she was still drooling.

* * *

((That was such a filler chapter. I've got nothing of interest to type, so review! And I'll update when I can. (The more reviews I get the faster I'll review ;) meep), I'm in pain. Need medication. Chow for now peoples!)) 


	11. 11 the world is out to get Cole

((A/N: Sorry about the wait! I've had writers block for the past while. But I read all my previous chapters and was inspired to continue. It's pretty sad, I'm on Chapter 11 and they haven't even broke the second seal… Thanks for all the reviews and stuff. This chapter comes out to… 6 pages on Word, about 1,500 words. Not much, but better than I usually do.

Disclaimer: I do not own, screw it, the disclaimers WAY to long. I own NOTHING AT ALL. If it's mentioned, I don't own it, ok? Same warnings as always, swearing and such.))

-----------------------------------------------------

The gang started their way through Palmacoasta.

Five seconds into this jolly little adventure Cole found a shop that sold custom made surfboards. They were rather expensive, but luckily Cole had saved all his money from the last play through and was totally loaded.

Krystal sighed, "Why on earth do you need that?" She asked, pointing at the board he had bought, which had a picture of Linda in a swimsuit (a very tiny swimsuit) covering the majority of the front, "The pictures not even proportioned right! Linda does not have that much cleavage."

Linda blushed, "I think it's pretty cool."

Cole spun around to thank her for defending him, and smacked some guy flat on his… donkey.

"Oh crap are you ok?" Cole asked.

The guy frowned, "Yeah! But I broke my new bottle of hairspray!"

Cole blinked, "I was talking to my surfboard, dude."

The entire group did that anime sweat drop and fall over thing.

"Whatever, can we just move along with the script peoples?" Ron asked, frustrated.

The pissed off looking chicks traveling with the guy who had been smacked shook their heads, "You need to replace that hairspray."

Krystal reached for her hairstyling kit, "What kind was it?"

"Palma Hairspray." Answered Gina's imposter, I mean, the girl.

Krystal frowned, "You use that shit? That's the worst spray in the worlds! I don't even carry it!"

"Worlds?" Gina asked.

The auburn blinked, "World! I meant world! There is no secret parallel world!"

Sweat drop.

"Right, lets go to a store and buy said crappy hairspray." Cole suggested.

"Right, what are the chances of there being a hair product store in this city?" Gina asked impatiently.

Pretty high, there were two actually. The first one was conveniently 'missing' its shipment, forcing them to go one shop over, where some creepy desian chicks were threatening some guy.

"I wouldn't sell a single hairclip to monsters like you! I mean, look at your makeup! That's a total sin against nature!"

"Rock!" His father said shocked.

"But dad! These are the same monsters that took grandpa away to the ranch where he was probably beaten up by a couple of heroic type girls out to save the world!"

Desian 1, cursing, "You're lucky we've already reached max crappy makeovers for this year."

Desian 2, smirking, "Lets go ask Lord Maggie, she'll know what to do."

And they left in a burst of flames.

Linda, "That's impossible."

Actually they walked out the door, sorry for trying to make the script more exciting…

"Ok dad, I'm off to work in the temple even though I don't believe in the God and it'll lead to my kidnapping, now!" Said the boy, starting to walk out the door.

His father, who seemed rather calm for what had just happened, "Right, be careful Rock!"

The boy left and the man turned to the group, "I'm sorry you had to see that, I'm Boulder, welcome to the item shop, Pebble's!"

Gina twitched nervously, and Linda was too dumb to grasp what was implied.

"We need Palma hairspray." Krystal said, looking around nervously as well, scared that her reputation as a hairstylist would be ruined if someone saw her.

"1,000 gald." Boulder replied.

"What?" the auburn swore, "That's such a rip off!"

Linda patted her arm, "It's ok, Cole has all that cash from the last play thru!"

Cole shifted uneasily, "Actually, I spent it all on this board and hair wax…"

"What?" Linda tried to take a swing at him but was stopped by Gina.

One minor catfight later

"Hey. Who were that creepy women and her son?"

"That was Governor General Doris, and her son Kilik."

"I see…Doris and the guy with a stick…"

The group entered the school.

"Hey, wasn't this the school you were supposed to go to Gina?" Linda asked, not that she really cared.

"Yeah, I passed the entrance exam, because I am so smart."

"I am so smart! S-M-R-T!"

"It's S-M-A-R-T Linda…" Krystal pointed out.

"What? A shrimp like you passed the entrance exam and was invited to go here? You've got to be shitting me." A very nerdy girl with thick-rimmed glasses and a major overbite (no offence to people with thick rimmed glasses or overbites) came down the stairs.

"Gina is really smart!" Linda said in defense, "She can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter!"

"Wow Linda, what kind of a lame example is that?" Said the white haired half… err, elf.

"Me and you! Ultimate smart person showdown!" Said the chick, maybe she should have a name, how about, Minnie?

"Bring it on!" Gina replied.

"Oh I love that movie!" Krystal and Linda said at the same time, magically changing into matching cheerleader outfits.

Upstairs, in the studying room place, Ron gave them all little warm up quizzes, except for Gina, who got to do imaginary numbers, which I have no clue about since I failed grade 11 physics.

**Question 1. Who is Linda's real mother?**

**A. Krystal**

**B. Drinny**

**C. Linda doesn't know**

**D. Xenia, warrior princess**

Krystal circled A. Linda circled C. Cole circled D.

**Question 2. The Desians are:**

**A. The bad guys**

**B. Working for the good guys who are actually bad guys.**

**C. In need of a little love**

**D. The ones who stole X-mas.**

Krystal circled B. Linda circled A. Cole circled D.

**Question 3. The author is currently:**

**A. reading Pokemon manga.**

**B. Controlling our lives.**

**C. Listening to Stabilo**

**D. All of the above**

Krystal circled D. Linda circled C. and Cole circled A.

**Question 4. The author's car runs on:**

**A. Coal**

**B. Diesel**

**C. Electricity**

**D. Cheese puffs.**

Krystal, having read the Yuan vs. Raine showdown, circled B. Linda, liking the idea of cheese, circled D. and Cole circled A.

**Question 5. Who's out to kill Cole? **

**A Yuna **

**B The Desians **

**C. Mudkip and Torchic **

**D. That gothic assassin **

**E. The little mermaid **

**F. Buffalo **

**G. Squiggles the horse **

**H. Linda **

**I. Iceland **

**J. Plastic wrap **

**K. Eminem **

**L. Tomatoes **

**M. Dhaos **

**N. Stabilo **

**O. Those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz **

**P. The Netherlands **

**Q. Canada, mostly Manitoba and B.C. though**

**R. The surfers association of Triet**

**S. Cam Clarke**

**T. Mr. Clean**

**U. Coffee**

**V. Your Mom**

**W. Krystal and her psychotic boss who wants to bring back her dead brother**

**X. Negi and that girl with the bells in her hair from Negima**

**Y. O-Town**

**Z. Seriously, who isn't out to kill Cole?**

Krystal considered L. and W. but settled on Z. Linda circled I. And Cole, in a rare stroke of genius, circled D, A, and W.

"Ok, I think that's enough studying!" Ron said happily and they went to take the test.

"I will now announce the results." The dean type person looked at her papers, "Last place, Linda Irving, with 25!"

"Wow! 25!" Linda squealed happily and did a little cheer, seeing as she was still in that cheerleader out fit.

"Good job Linda!" Cole said, watching Linda's cheer and not looking in the places you normally look when congratulating someone.

"Next, Cole what-ever-his-last-name-was, with 250!"

"What? It wasn't out of 100?"

"It was out of 400." Gina pointed out.

"When what percent did I get?" Linda asked.

Ron pulled out a calculator, not that he really needed one, but the author does, "6.25."

"…"

"Cole got 62.5."

"…"

"Next with 380, or 95, is Krystal!" Wow, she must have been playing dumb or something…

"Ron Sage got 400."

"What's that in percent?" Linda asked before getting another eraser thrown at her head.

"Minnie Mole, 398. Gina Sage…" dramatic pause as the camera zooms in on Gina's face, "400!"

They were so happy that Gina had beaten the overbite girl; they partied until the next morning.

The next morning

"Why did we even come to this place?" Cole asked at the breakfast table in the cafeteria.

"To get money for hairspray."

"Hey you!" The manager came up to the group, pointing at Linda, "Wanna make some cash?"

"Yeah…"

"Be a waitress!" She threw a waitress apron at the brunette and the group spent half an hour watching Linda screw up many orders and eventually hiding under the cash register crying. Luckily the manger felt so sorry for the poor human she gave them a bottle of Palma Hairspray. Which the group took to the imposters who they didn't know where imposters and all was good!

Not really, the world still needed to be saved and there was the mysterious third party, and all. But the author's hands hurt, so that'll happen later.

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((Thanks for reading, please review. Every time you don't review my cat Kratos falls out of a tree and Yuan kitty cries!

Next chapter: Governor General Doris and all that fun stuff.))


	12. 12 and the author forgets what happens

((A/N: I got a new laptop! –Cheers- I'm still not used to it, but oh well. I guess I should update. My music's really loud. It's annoying. Very annoying. Anyway, today we learn about Ron and his… food tenseness? Dude! I have an English to French translation thinger! Must use this to my advantage. Anyway short chappy, I'm sorry.

I own nothing, except the computer I write upon, i don't own the prince of persia or fire emblem or ToP.))

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For some weird reason the group decided to visit the church. No clue why, it's not like one of them is the holy savior of all man kind, and another is secretly an angel who helps run the place when she's not guiding around a group that includes her daughter and two half elves that claim to be elves because the older brother is a complete wack job. Because that's just too weird and would defy all logic.

Anyway, while in the church they learned two very important things. One, that the author has spelt church wrong three times now, and has had to go back and fix it, and two, the creepy Doris lady has a happy book that they could totally use to find all the seals.

Cause it's not like they're traveling with a woman who knows their exact locations, since she visited them 4000 years ago.

CHEESEPUFF! Sorry the author is totally out of it. Quarantine me! My best friend just colored my other friends ear purple/silver/green! We laugh hysterically at him! You should too!

So anyway, the magical book of seals. Seals that seal things, not seals that swim and be happy. It was at the home of… Governor General Doris! To the big totally non evil government building place! I wonder how good their government is, hopefully better than mine.

"Welcome to the happy government place!"

"Umm… Yeah. Cole is like, the Chosen of Mana. So can we have the happy book of lip-gloss or whatever?"

Ron slapped Linda, "It's the book of re-makeup-tion!"

"Imposter!" Shouted Doris, who will have no funny dialect since the author is slacking off. Random guards showed up from nowhere. Why where there so many guards hanging out at the government place? Shouldn't they have been helping poor innocent kittens out of trees or something?

Cole randomly tripped, what a dumb ass, and for some plot twist reason his wings appeared. If they come out when he falls down why didn't it they come out when that gothic assassin showed up?

So since the wings were total proof of being the Chosen, all the guards disappeared into thin air. Or thick air, which ever you prefer.

"Wow, what pretty wings," Kilik's mother looked over at him with a frown, "I mean manly! What utterly manly pink wings!"

"You now, he's right about that," Gina cocked her head sideways, "They are rather girly when you think about it. All that pink and purple glowing and the sparkles."

Cole ignored her.

Doris blinked, "Right, back on topic. So if you're the Chosen, I must have given that important magic seal book to imposters!"

"What are you stupid?"

Ron slapped Gina once again, "Will you ever shut up!"

Much boring dialog later

"Are we out of Palmacoasta yet?" Linda asked, falling on the ground.

"I dunno," Krystal sighed, "Go buy a players guide."

Ron consulted her map, "Linda, we left Palmacoasta half an hour ago."

"Can we stop for lunch?"

"No."

"But Ron!"

"Gina is right," Krystal said randomly, "We should eat. Gina, make some food!"

Gina started making burgers on a randomly stove that she pulled out of her ass. And five minutes later…

"Hey! That's my burger!" Ron grabbed the patty from Linda's plate.

Linda blinked, "I thought they were all the same."

Gina shook her head, "That one's tofu, Ron's a vegetarian."

"Ron's a carrot?"

"A VEGETARTIAN, not a vegetable. God Linda, was your foster mother retarded?" The auburn asked, putting lettuce on her burger.

"…" Linda frowned, "Shut up."

Gina passed a plate to Krystal, "Tomatoes?"

She promptly screamed, falling backwards, "Get them away from me!" Which leads to the author's next question, which is whether the tomato thing is actually in the game, or is it just a weird fanfic thing?

The rest of the group went, "…" And Linda broke into giggles.

Krystal sent her a death glare.

The next day

"Hey, so what do we do now?"

"Um…Like I know."

"I like puppies."

"Blame your nail polish!"

I'll let you guess who said what.

Ron pulled out her script, "Let's go somewhere! No movement means no plot! No plot means I don't get paid at the end of this stupid game."

"Game?"

"Ummm, journey?"

Cole pulled a remote out of nowhere, "I'll just press the fast forward button!" He pressed the button.

-Funky fast forward looking stuff-

"This tree's name is…"

A bit to far

"Wha- What am I doing!"

Still too far

"Linda Irving! Clean up your crayons. This is grade three, not a pig pen."

Crap, to far back…

"Dhoas, this must stop!"

Hee, hee, WAY to far forward.

"Kalas! What are you doing?"

Opps, wrong button.

"Did anyone teach you how to hire mercenaries?"

Damn that Ike is hot, now where the hell did ToS go?

"Some say time flows like a river."

Speaking of hotties, that Prince is-, focus Brandy, you need to find ToS.

"Hey you in the bushes! You have until the count of 5 before I start throwing sharp pointy things. One, two, four…"

How'd I get back to Fire Emblem? Whatever…

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((And that's my lame ass chapter for the day. I have more time to type now, so hopefully you'll have a new chapter soon! (I actually don't remember exactly what happens next, so I decided to end now!)

Review and I'll update faster I swear!))


	13. 13 cheesey toast

((Omg. Chapter 13…. Is this bad luck?? Yes, wait, no. um… -runs away- Or not. So yeah, I took a lazy no-writing break. Again. So, many months later…

So here's the new g-switch chappy. I totally forgot what actually happened here, so I had to ask many people. Pretty short, and a lot of its just ramble.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. ))

* * *

Many hours later

"So… Umm… Why are we here again?" Linda asked.

Krystal sighed, "Ok. After much thinking the author realized that we went to go over the peak place, but the guy is a loser, so we're totally stuck in this stupid part of the world until we make 6, 000, 000, 000 Gald. Which is stupid, I have wings! Why don't me and Cole just fly over it?"

"WINGS?"

"Umm… That was a joke. Ha… ha… ha?"

"O… k… So how much money do we have?"

Gina checked the menu screen, "One million and twenty three. Mostly from the last play thru."

Krystal sighed, like you know, normal, "So we went to get a statue from a priest, but it turns out the priest lost it. Then, because we are so the whipping boys of the hero world, we decided to go save Rock from the Desian bastards. And here we are at some stupid ranch."

"Wow, that's a lot of plot we skipped over," Ron said, eating an apple.

"Yup," Cole added to the conversation, proving that the all mighty author really doesn't care much about his dialog.

"NO! STOP IT'S TOTALLY A TRAP!" A girl shouted as she ran out from the bushes, "I mean… shhhhh, come over here."

The group, having nothing better to do, follow the girl.

"Who is this girl?" Linda whispered to Krystal.

"That's Nelly, Governor General Doris' assistant type person," Krystal whispered back, "I hear she was dating the Wonder Chef."

"Wonder Chef?"

"That lady with the fork? Remember?"

Flashback

"I am Wonder Chef! Here, have this recipe!"

You learned the recipe for **CHEESY TOAST**.

"What the hell? You're the 'Wonder Chef' and all you can teach us is how to melt cheese over toast?"

"Um…"

"Are you sure you're not that annoying Mimi Baker from ToL? The one who the author's friend is sure is the illegitimate love child of Colette and Wonder Chef?"

"Shut up!" And with that the blonde chef type person ran away, tripping over her feet on the way out.

End of Flashback

"Oh… But isn't that Yuri? I thought this was a non gay fanfic?"

"Well there was an implied Me/Yuna bit back in chapter 7."

"Who's Yuna? A summomer with a really ugly dress who ends up married to a horrible blue haired bad guy type person? Only to realize she loves the main hero, but then he kills himself and she gets her own game? Then her, her slutty cousin and some other chick go to find him many years later?"

"Never mind. It was just a rumor."

"…"

"Just forget I said anything…"

"…"

Krystal pulled out some magic fairy dust and threw it on Linda.

"Nelly is Governor General Doris' assistant type person, ok?"

The brunette nodded, and they turned to Nelly as she explained that this was a trap and they should run far away like a teenager who just found out his girlfriend is pregnant.

"Did we miss part of the plot?" Gina asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Cole looked up, using one of the few lines of dialog the author permitted.

"I mean, I feel like we missed something… Like, why are we concerned about Rock anyway? And what do we have against Lady Maggie anyway?" Gina frowned, "It's like we missed a whole cut scene."

"What's a cut scene?"

"La sigh."

Cole pulled the remote back out, "I'll fix this!"

Rewind

"OMFG! They're giving some Boulder guy a horrible makeover in the town square!"

The group of happy adventures stood in the town square place, where a whole outdoor styling like platform had been set up.

"Um… Where's the, you know," Ron looked around, "Army type people?"

A randomly stupid NPC replied, "Out."

"And the Governor General?"

"In his basement talking to her monster husband."

"WHAT?"

"Or on a business trip. You can never be to sure these days."

Long story short, Cole saves the day, Gina had like, one random line, and Lady Maggie was all, "DIE VERMIN!"

That was a waste of the author's precious time. Ok, maybe not. It's not like I have any sort of life. OMG, someone's high jacking my laptop.

Hi my name is BlackAries and I'm Brandy's friend and I'm being weird and not letting her do her work. That kitty is creepy looking and staring at me with a stalker/murderer smile.

Rom is cool, even if she's a slut. Because she's one of those funny sluts that people like. Not the brain dead bitchy ones that think their all that when they really aren't.

Oh thank gawd, I have my laptop back. And to spite, ok, just to bug her, I'll leave that there. HA. Damn now can't think of what I was writing. Oh well…

BACK TO THE FUTURE, or rather, the present. I like presents.

"Oh! I totally get it now!" Linda said clapping.

"Really?" Krystal asked with a frown.

"No."

Nelly was still talking randomly in the background, "It's a trap. So yeah."

"We could either blow this ranch up- I mean, save Rock, or we could go see Doris first," Ron suggested.

"Well," Linda said, since for some reason she seemed to be like their leader or something, "Let's go see the Doris chick! I'm almost out of eye shadow anyway!"

And thus, they wasted their time walking back to Palmacoasta. La sigh. What is wrong with hero type peoples these days?

"So… here we are…"

Krystal smacked Linda over the head, "Stop talking, you're making an already boring part of the game even stupider."

"Stupider isn't a word, it's MORE stupid."

"Shut up Ron."

They entered the, parliament building type place, to find it…

Empty. Dead empty. Like Ron's head after a late night. Totally empty. Well, I guess there were chairs and tables and stuff. But NO PEOPLE! But on a plus, the guard guarding the basement seemed to have disappeared into thin air. Or is that thick air?

"I hear something, from the basement," Cole said blandly.

The hairstylist, I mean, mercenary, frowned, "Have you even taken proper acting lessons?"

"To the basement!" Ron shouted, overcome with the sudden urge to move the plot along.

And now to end this off with BlackAries kidnapping my computer again.

Hey again, I'm stupid and just realized what this was! It's the new chapter of G-Switch! I wish I could read it but I will have to wait until Brandy posts it… and you know the stupid keys on this laptop don't like to work for me.

Hi Candice

Um… sorry…

I like Krystal, she's a great hairstylist. I wish I could get my hair done by her like Yuna does. -pouts- But um… stuff? I think that Zelos' name should be called Zina… Xina warrior princess? Regal is Raven for no reason. And um… Presea is Peter…

Yes that's right… PETER… ;;

Linda looked over at the strange brunette, who seemed to be randomly talking to herself halfway down the stairs, "Who ARE you?"

* * *

(( . . those aren't confirmed names by the way. Anyway, I'll get back to writing now. Hopefully it won't take as long as this chapter took. Have some cookies.)) 


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